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Bev Johnson died yesterday
By Bob Wright
"Bev Johnson died yesterday." It was said cautiously, by
someone who wasn't sure how I'd take it.
Numbness hit and my mind went blank. I wasn't sure what
I felt. I knew I should feel sadness or loss or anger, something.
But mostly I felt... nothing.
The sadness hit later. As I realized what I'd lost. It's
odd: that selfish feeling. You never thought of your friendship
as something you owned, but when it leaves, you feel as
though someone took a part of you.
The funeral was terrible. She looked bad. Someone at the funeral
home thought she'd look good with harshly curled hair, which she'd
never had her whole life, damn it. We sat around wishing to be anywhere
else. A group of young people, who don't normally go to funerals and
are not completely sure how to act. How do you act sad without tapping
into that enormous pool of emotions and drowning in front of everyone?
Words were said, music played. We filed out and shook hands with her
parents.
Dinner with out-of-town mourners. We all smiled bravely, maybe too
much. We all drank awkwardly, maybe too much. It hurt and everywhere we
looked,
it hurt more, seeing the old, familiar faces.
My candle, I light in memory of Bev Johnson. She died suddenly, when I
wasn't paying attention. I miss her smile, her singing, her irreverence.
I also miss her metalic green car, BevNBug. I still can't believe her
parents sent the licence plate back to DMV...
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