Home
News and Info
Looking Glass
Caregiver Stories
Stories
Poetry
Contributors
Resources
Contact
to donate to Breathing Room
Breathing Room has lots in store
for the year. If you would like to share your personal
stories, news items or poetry with us, please contact:
us at: info at thebreathingroom.org.
Stories, Poems
and opinions of participants are their own, and not necessarily
those of the Breathing Room organization.
Please visit
cfmessageboard.com to connect with members of the CF
community online.
Breathing Room
facilitates candid and open
communication between adults with Cystic Fibrosis,
supports the development of a community of adults with CF
and provides education and insight for families, caregivers,
and medical professionals who impact our lives.
|
|
for Natalie - How to be Strong?
It’s like everything came crashing down.
The other day you were here.
You could still breath on your own.
You could still walk & talk.
You showered & dressed yourself.
Ate your meals & snacks (with a helping of pills).
You listened to music, watched TV, read books.
Doctors, physiotherapists, dieticians, psychologists, nurses…
We all came & went
In & out of you life.
Tablets, nebulisers, inhalers, antibiotics, injections…
A never ending supply.
Ever changing to the multitude of changing bugs,
Invading your body.
Ever so suddenly, your body had had enough.
On Friday they moved you to High Dependency Unit.
A mask began to force the air into your lungs.
So much pain, so much strength.
How did you do it?
How did you find the strength?
How did you find the courage?
All those years of suffering in determined silence.
Determined to live your life.
Not to let anyone know what you were really going through.
You Mum told me…
When the phone called, you always answered “I’m fine”.
Even when you had just been crouched over in the shower the last 15 minutes.
You were so scared to get an infusaport.
But loved the freedom it gave you when you finally gave in.
When there was no other option, then you gave in.
Then & only then.
They offered you a lung transplant.
But you had had enough.
Enough pain.
Enough suffering.
Enough treatment.
Enough life.
Wednesday came.
All of your family crowded around you.
They were determined to never leave you alone.
Every last moment was spent surrounded by the people who loved you.
They hugged you, kissed you, shared their love & stories.
Reminded you that you will never be gone from their lives.
“How do I let her go?
How do I let my baby sister go?
She’s all I have, we’ve shared everything?”
Your sister cried to me.
“Am I being selfish?
I don’t want her to suffer anymore,
But I’m not ready to let her go.
I want to have her to hold a bit longer.”
Your Mother pleaded with me.
“She’s not in any pain,
We wont let her have any more distress.
We’ll keep medicating her,
So she won’t feel the pain.
She’s listening, keep telling her of your love.”
I urged them all.
What a privilege.
What heartache.
To be the one to care for you.
To be the one to care for your family.
On you last day here with us.
Tears came as I held your hand,
As I said goodbye,
As I squeezed your sister’s hand,
As I hugged your mum.
I cried to my car, driving home, before I slept
And as I wrote this.
How do I be strong?
How can I not be strong!
You showed me true strength.
How could I have not been touched by you?
This day I will always remember.
One of my highest highs & lowest lows.
Thank you for the privilege it was nursing you.
Rochelle Prestwidge RN 30/05/2004
For Natalie 26/12/1976 - 26/05/2004
By Rochelle Prestwidge
|
|
|
